Two Crows where are you?

Just stopping in to say that I have "returned"....This is a good thing. I know what I am doing and where I am going (partially)    I realize I have been off my journey for over 20 years. Amazing that I let myself drift like that, but thankfully I am back.   Back to my endless search of the universe and all it's mysteries.  

Another year

Obviously I am introspective at least once a year! Problem is, I consider this blog "taking time out for myself", and I usually do not let myself do this. Yet here I am, once again, feeling the need to express myself.

Time, illness and the economy have taken it's toll on my life. The economy is the heaviest to bear and I feel the illness has been due to the stress of it. I have lost some of my sight, permanently, it seems, since it's been well over a year that I was hospitalized and no one seems to know if it will return! I am able to do many of the same things, except drive on wintry, foggy days or night time. Yet, over time, one gets used to just about anything whether we like it or not.

Worrying about losing your home or how you will pay your bills, not only takes up your entire thinking life, but it whittles away at your inner core. Worrying about people that are close to you having even worse problems, and you are helpless to do anything is probably, to me, the worst thing.

I read this and I sound like a stressed out person, yet in actuality, I am a "knower". Sometimes it is very difficult to draw on my inner core and emanate and probably that is why I am here right now. I am having an extremely hard time being centered.

A lot of my angst is due to the world around us. Seeing the good in others has become such a challenge and yet I realize the reasons so many have strayed from the path, just to survive, so I am not judging, yet it is so sad to watch.

I am a comforter and I am not in a position to comfort!! To tell people, things will turn out and you will get through this. I cannot even comfort myself.

I always remember my grandmother thinking it was "the end of the world", and now in retrospection, I realize it was "the end of HER world", because she passed shortly after that.

There are too many things to think about. I am way too busy. This has to stop and only I can stop it.

I usually do not make resolutions, yet I am going to now. Hopefully I will read this at some point and be able to say I have changed my way to a more fulfilling point. And yet, this blog is my venting blog, so perhaps I may still be venting:)

It really doesn't matter because with the exception of two crows who has probably long since forgotten me, no one reads this.

So yes, I do feel a little better. This blog is like a secret that I can keep to myself, away from all my family and friends. It gives me the consolation of knowing that "I" am still here.

Time and memory

The older I get, the more memory is a major problem and this bothers me! Granted I am incredibly busy and have to write notes to myself just to make sure I accomplish what I am supposed to. But all that is simply "everyday" life. And because of that "everyday life", I end up neglecting my "purpose" life!

When I was younger, for some reason, I had the time to reflect, meditate, think, and practice. Now, just to exist in my world, these things are put on the back burner.

I guess when people say they are stressed out, possibly this is what they mean. There is not enough time to do everything you would want to do and I am afraid I am going to lose my inner self just to keep up my outer self!

I could forgive myself if I list all the things that I have changed in my life. Starting a business a year ago was a major thing that I have to give 95 percent of my time just to keep it going. Learning technology as it happens is a major thing with me and I am one who teaches myself everything instead of having someone teach me. Family and friends take up the majority of my life and most people would say this is a good thing, however, it would not be my first choice because I like to be alone!

I can say this since I am writing incognito! I could never let anyone around me really know this.

Even today as I steal a moment to enter this secret world on a blog that I am trying to create, I have people around me, waiting for my response to things. This was not a productive post, but rather a vent and I apologize to any readers!

Two crows, if you are passing through, I did not even see your comment until today, but thankyou! Hopefully my next post will be a little clearer and focused!!

White Owl perusals

I have many blogs going on, but they are mostly business and all under a different name. One of them is a small art site because that is one of my interests.

This blog will let me persue my metaphysical side. I ran across a post today, through a series of clicking on a completely unrelated search, which resonated with me so much that I decided to start the white owl blog.

The writer was "two crows". I have seen this name also recently, perhaps in a comment somewhere, but I definitely remembered it since it was a name to remember. In any event, reading her blog(s) really reminded me that I have been sorely lacking in my pursuit of this part of my learning.

I have read about and practiced, tarot, runes,iching,tao,animal totems,astrology, etc etc etc. I once had a tarot card website when the internet first appeared where one could shuffle the tarot cards and get a reading. I have spent a great deal of my younger life reading cards and runes for people until I had to quit. It was too exhuasting, so much easier to just know and not have to talk about it..

Most of my life has been looking for reasons. I am well versed in the readings and ideals of Edgar Caycee from many years ago, having devoured the few books I could find.

I am probably one lifetime away from being an Old Soul. I was invited to a place where someone took photos of our auras. Mine was totally white and I knew it would be. (on that particular day) I suspect our auras change on different days but I have not had the chance to go back and test it.

I have a son who is already an Old Soul. I knew him immediately when he was born. I have another son who is probably a couple of lifetimes away and a husband whom I really cannot tell where he would place.

What will this blog be about? Guess it will just be a place to post my thoughts and others thoughts that I find interesting.