Another year

Obviously I am introspective at least once a year! Problem is, I consider this blog "taking time out for myself", and I usually do not let myself do this. Yet here I am, once again, feeling the need to express myself.

Time, illness and the economy have taken it's toll on my life. The economy is the heaviest to bear and I feel the illness has been due to the stress of it. I have lost some of my sight, permanently, it seems, since it's been well over a year that I was hospitalized and no one seems to know if it will return! I am able to do many of the same things, except drive on wintry, foggy days or night time. Yet, over time, one gets used to just about anything whether we like it or not.

Worrying about losing your home or how you will pay your bills, not only takes up your entire thinking life, but it whittles away at your inner core. Worrying about people that are close to you having even worse problems, and you are helpless to do anything is probably, to me, the worst thing.

I read this and I sound like a stressed out person, yet in actuality, I am a "knower". Sometimes it is very difficult to draw on my inner core and emanate and probably that is why I am here right now. I am having an extremely hard time being centered.

A lot of my angst is due to the world around us. Seeing the good in others has become such a challenge and yet I realize the reasons so many have strayed from the path, just to survive, so I am not judging, yet it is so sad to watch.

I am a comforter and I am not in a position to comfort!! To tell people, things will turn out and you will get through this. I cannot even comfort myself.

I always remember my grandmother thinking it was "the end of the world", and now in retrospection, I realize it was "the end of HER world", because she passed shortly after that.

There are too many things to think about. I am way too busy. This has to stop and only I can stop it.

I usually do not make resolutions, yet I am going to now. Hopefully I will read this at some point and be able to say I have changed my way to a more fulfilling point. And yet, this blog is my venting blog, so perhaps I may still be venting:)

It really doesn't matter because with the exception of two crows who has probably long since forgotten me, no one reads this.

So yes, I do feel a little better. This blog is like a secret that I can keep to myself, away from all my family and friends. It gives me the consolation of knowing that "I" am still here.